Alabama the Time Warp (Let’s Do the Time Warp Again)

16 Apr

Now that I’ve finally returned from my grand adventure from Mississippi, I want to point out something very, very important.

Alabama is like a time warp when you drive through it.

I don’t mean that you warp back in time- I mean that time mysteriously slows down.

Both on the trip there and back, getting out of Alabama- both times- took forever, and I have no clue why.

The trip basically goes along I10, which runs all the way to Texas.

Once I hit Florida and drove along I10 on the way down to Mississippi, I had absolutely no problem- three or so hours went by in the blink of an eye. The trip back was similar.

Until I got back into Alabama and hit Mobile.

Somehow, the journey crawled to a halt. Today, an accident caused a traffic jam in Mobile, which led me to sit there for half an hour while the accident cleared up.

The accidents are no wonder, either, with the way the idiots out there drive.

I will say something about driving on the Interstate- it’s largely a game of switching lanes to get past slow moving vehicles. Yes, folks, you heard it here first- I, the great speed limit abider, am complaining about the slow drivers on the Interstate.

Well, what do you expect? The speed limit is 70 mph, which is pretty fast, don’t you think? If someone’s going below that, then yeah, I’m going to pass them. It’s that simple. I wasn’t breaking any laws, just going the speed limit. Yeesh!

Anyway, Mississippi confuses you, Alabama takes you through a time warp, but Florida’s just fine. I have no idea why that is. Florida’s roads work well, to be sure.

If you come to the South, be prepared to deal with idiot drivers- they’re literally everywhere. These include but are not limited to people who

-don’t use turn signals

-ride on your bumper when they could easily pass you

-people who break the speed limit by 30 or so miles per hour

-people who pull out in front of you for no apparent reason, even though you’re obviously coming down the road and have the right of way

and many more cases that I’ve not documented here.

Just be careful driving in the South, that’s all.


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Posted by on April 16, 2010 in food


2 responses to “Alabama the Time Warp (Let’s Do the Time Warp Again)

  1. Doc

    April 16, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    I know what you mean, Stevo. I’ve never driven in Alabama, but I’ve been in Oklahoma, Texas, Arkansas, Missouri, Illinois, New Mexico, Arizona, California… I don’t know what it is, but it’s not limited to the South, or even rural areas. Currently, I’m in the state capitol and either there’s a permanent stunt driver convention in town or everyone learned to drive by watching “The Dukes of Hazzard”. You signal a lane change, and they think, “There’s somethin’ wrong with that feller’s blinker… we better get around him!” Sometimes, people are ignorant or driving laws, rules or simple etiquette – and sometimes people are just fucking mean! One of the reasons I hate driving through Arizona (besides the fact that the land is paved with fire) is that the local drivers have some sort of pissing contest going – it’s as though anyone and everyone with an out-of-state license plate is a damned target! When I have to drive cross-country, whenever possible, I try to do as much of it as I can at night – it’s far more pleasant!

    • enamouredslave

      April 18, 2010 at 2:15 pm

      So maybe it’s just a general phenomenon? I’m especially aware of having seen people drive in such ways in the South; I can’t remember how it was other places I’ve been exactly. I know that in Manhattan it was obviously extremely crowded and congested, but I don’t remember the people just being absolutely stupid with their driving, except for honking their horns a lot during congestion. That’s been years ago, though.


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