Last Thursday, I went out to eat with some friends (their idea, not mine) at a place called Things & Wings. I’m not sure if this is an Alabama-exclusive restaurant or what, but this particular place had a few, shall we say, interesting features to it.
First, we walked in, and everyone stared at us. Maybe it’s because we consisted of the Awesome Weird People that stand in opposition to the mainstream culture in Alabama. Maybe it’s because people just typically stare at people who walk into Things & Wings. Either way, people stared.
Second, Things & Wings had no main dishes that I, as a pesco-vegetarian, could eat. I ordered a side dish of macaroni and cheese. To be fair, I had already eaten a bit earlier, and so I wasn’t terribly hungry- but had I been, I wouldn’t have been able to eat any of the main dishes.
Most places I venture into have at least fish as an option. This place had nothing of that sort.
So I sat there and ordered the macaroni and cheese, which was decent, if not a meager amount- and I paid $2.50 for it. Yes, you’re reading that correctly. If you had seen how small the amount was, you would be equally furious over it.
On top of that, they charged for the water. THE WATER! What restaurant charges for a glass of water? 39 cents for a glass of water?
Our server, on the other hand, was extremely accomadating and even managed to get a bottle of the wing sauce for one of my friends after the registers had been closed. That much made the night worth it.
But another extremely funny moment of the night was the great adventure of THE ALABAMA BURGER.
Earle, who must have been particularly hungry, ordered the Alabama Burger, which is gargantuan. The actual burger looked equivalent to the size of four regular burgers, all put together in one.
After eating one slice, I chuckled that it looked like Pac-Man. The brilliance of my observance coupled with the state-of-the-art technology that we all carry with us yielded this:
What you see next to Pac-Man is a container of marinara that came with the cheese-sticks that served as our appetizers. This gives you an idea of how large the burger actually is, though in person the effect was far more immediate.
This is the burger after Earle finished half of it. In the time that it took me to consume my mac and cheese, he had swallowed one half of the entire burger. Needless to say, I’m an incredibly slow and methodical eater (your food digests better that way.)
The burger, as you can see, consisted of a sourdough bun, followed by a layer of grease, followed by bacon, followed by the actual hamburger, followed by cheese, then onions, tomato, and lettuce, and finally the top bun.
So there you have it! The infamous Alabama Burger from Things & Wings!
Tags: meat, burger, huge, grease, bacon, lettuce, tomato, cheese, sourdough, buns, alabama, food, things, wings, thing and wings, dothan, enormous, pacman, marinara sauce, vegetarian, cheese sticks, macaroni and cheese, mac and cheese
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