A Grand Epiphany: The Conspiratorial Connection Between Slim-Fast and Instant Breakfast

30 Dec

I’ll admit that I’m addicted, in part, to both Instant Breakfast and Slim Fast.

Now, first of all, I understand, dear Reader, that at this point in time you must be looking down upon me for having such a lame addiction. Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to say I was addicted to something that’s actually addictive, like, say, crack? Or maybe alcohol? Or how about something nominal like cigarettes?

(Okay, so I used to smoke, but I don’t anymore. I didn’t smoke that long anyway. It was more a really bad habit for me than an outright addiction. Either way, that’s all beside the point I’m trying to make.)

Instead, I’m addicted to vitamins and minerals coated in chocolate.

It appears in two forms:


Tonight, as I stirred the sweet goodness of cold milk and sugary brown chocolate mineral powder together, I realized that there isn’t a huge difference between Instant Breakfast and Slim Fast. I mean, except for the part where you have to make Instant Breakfast yourself. And how Slim Fast is marketed as a weight-loss tool.

But honestly, isn’t it the same concept when you really think about it? The whole point of it being called Instant Breakfast is that you can drink one little shake and be on the go instead of sitting down for an entire meal. The whole concept of Slim Fast is that you drink a shake instead of eating a meal- except the Slim Fast plan requires you to drink shakes twice, so it’s really like having an Instant Breakfast and an Instant Lunch.

So couldn’t you technically just drink an Instant Breakfast for breakfast and lunch and not worry about buying Slim Fast? Or if you were really in a hurry, couldn’t you just drink a Slim Fast instead of an Instant Breakfast?

Provided, Instant Breakfast likely tastes better to most people than Slim Fast. Slim Fast comes in a can, and it has a weird aftertaste that I don’t find outright unpleasant, but it’s still probably not what most people are expecting.

Also, I think you can actually get pre-made versions of both and powdered versions of both. So really, what’s the deal?

Either way, I love the taste and the vitamin blitz that hits my body with every consumption of the chocolatey nectar. Maybe my real addiction is to chocolate. But either way, my brain almost invariably starts functioning better when I have a mineral rush flow into it.

The point is, I wonder if they’re actually the same drink with two different packages. If so, people have been duped, and we must find a new way to eat chocolate and obtain vitamins for our bodies at the same time.

Also, this guy appeared when I did a Google search for photos of Instant Breakfast:

Could someone PLEASE explain to me how a bodybuilder has anything to do with Instant Breakfast? Had he appeared under the Slim Fast search, I would’ve understand, but Instant Breakfast?

Please, someone: make this all make sense.



Posted by on December 30, 2010 in food


Tags: , , , , , , , ,

6 responses to “A Grand Epiphany: The Conspiratorial Connection Between Slim-Fast and Instant Breakfast

  1. The Onyx Plate

    December 30, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    Quite the epiphany there! You may be right…It seems you may not be the only one with this thought…

    I would have to agree, both are enjoyable. But, one makes me feel as though I am doing more of a good thing for my body over the other one. What I miss are the Carnation Instant Breakfast BARS. I used to eat them all the time growing up…yet, only in my late 20’s, that seems like such a long time ago considering they are non-existent now. Good post! πŸ™‚

    • enamouredslave

      December 30, 2010 at 8:01 pm

      Oh, we used to eat those, too, I think. Maybe it was some other kind of breakfast bar, I don’t recall the exact brand, but whatever they were, they were incredibly and totally delicious.

      Thanks for the comparison link. Apparently great minds think alike, eh?

      • The Onyx Plate

        December 30, 2010 at 8:20 pm

        There were also those Kudos bars as well. They may still have those. But, those were super addictive as well. Yes, from only knowing you through what I have read…great mind indeed.

      • enamouredslave

        December 30, 2010 at 8:30 pm

        Thank you!

        Oh, the Kudos bars, I remember those. I also remember not knowing what “kudos” meant and when I would hear people say, “Kudos to you,” I thought they were making a reference that the person deserved a candy bar, kind of like saying, “You get a cookie!” in the metaphorical sense.

  2. The Onyx Plate

    December 30, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    Hmmmm, come to think about it, I probably didn’t know what that meant either. Although, I will say it occasionally. Oh wait, just said it today on the blog in reference to Netflix and complimenting them on carrying old cartoons from the 80’s and 90’s. πŸ™‚

    • enamouredslave

      January 1, 2011 at 7:19 pm

      It’s a great saying to use, especially since we think of the candy bars.


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