AUTHOR’S NOTE: Again, WordPress has let me down, as has Blogo, and the formatting on my blog is oddly jumbled and messed up. Please excuse the mess; I tried to clean it up to no avail.
Not quite a food blog, but close.
Crystal Meth is a terrible, terrible thing. Unfortunately, it’s also a a terrible, terrible reality in the South, or at least it used to be.
This holds doubly true in the rural area.
I went from not knowing what crystal meth was to suddenly hearing every other week about how a meth lab had been busted only a few miles from my house.
For the readers who don’t know, meth makes you crazy. Super hyper OCD ADHD level crazy. I don’t know this from personal experience- I only know it from having seen other people on meth or having heard about the effects that it has on the human body.
I once had people try to argue with me that “drugs don’t really alter your mind or make you crazy.”
When someone says something like that to you, something that is patently idiotic, against all common-sense, against all science, against any kind of data you could possibly access with your senses, intellect, or intuition, it can actually cause a neural short-circuit.
My friend Caleb responded by saying, “Um, I watched a meth-head throw his two-year-old at a police officer as he was trying to get away. Call me crazy, but I’ve never seen anyone not on meth throw their two-year-old as the weapon. Maybe a chair or something, but not their kid.”
For this very reason, I will never willingly put meth in my body (not that I have a desire to!), because the likelihood of crystal meth killing me is pretty high, somewhere around 90%. I’m already the sort of person who appears calm and mellow to other people but feels like a wild, cracked out cat is bouncing around inside of me half the time.
Also, I can be moody.
But the best part about having local meth labs is not so much about the raids- it’s when you hear about them blowing up.
I’m not joking. Apparently concocting meth requires using extremely combustible elements, and sometimes said combustible elements actually combust.
Given, the police raids are far more frequent, and those aren’t nearly as exciting.
Meth labs are not always in someone’s basement or back room. No, ladies and gentlemen, the crafty folks build meth labs right in the trunk of their own cars- instant-meth can be manufactured wherever.
This phenomenon should be called “Deals on Wheels” as opposed to “Meals on Wheels.”
There are many sociological claims as to why meth is so popular out in the country. I, as a graduate with a bachelor’s degree in sociology, can inform you that they’re largely composed of common-sense statements.
Basically, it boils down to the fact that there’s not much to do in rural areas, so people have to either get drunk or get high one.
Traditionally, people in the South get drunk, despite the best of Baptist upbringings. Baptists are notorious for condemning the consumption of alcohol and then proceeding to drink it anyway. (This is only partially meant to be a joke. You guys know it’s the truth.) Not every Baptist drinks, mind you- but more of them drink than they let on.
These days, meth isn’t quite as fashionable as before, so it seems. Likely all the people who were creating the meth are in prison somewhere. Or people finally realized that if it requires something from Drain-O to create the drug, it’s probably not a good idea to put it in your body.
Now, since this actually supposed to be a blog about food, let me take the 500 word above and tie them into eating somehow.
Meth is what’s for breakfast because, when you’re on meth, you don’t want to eat. You don’t eat.
Also, you don’t sleep.
Again, appealing to simple observation- when someone doesn’t A) eat, they have a tendency to go crazy. Starvation is a nasty thing.
When someone B) doesn’t sleep, they also go crazy. I’m a prime example of this- if I don’t get enough sleep, I’m grouchy, lethargic, and moody hours beyond the norm. So imagine someone going without sleep for days.
The point is, being on meth will deprive you of two of life’s greatest joys- eating and dreaming! Why in the world would someone give up the world of yummy, happy food for a world where you don’t sleep, don’t eat, and clean endlessly?
That’s like entering a Hell that’s tailor-made for Cinderella!