Until yesterday, I had no idea that pimento cheese was predominately a Southern comfort food.
Making pimento cheese isn’t difficult. You need salt, pepper, a little mayonnaise, pimentos, and the cheese of your choice. You blend it altogether, according to taste, and voila, there you have it.
Pimento cheese can also be purchased at the store.
The unfortunate thing is that, when I was a child, I loved pimento cheese, but now, I do not.
I made a pimento cheese sandwich yesterday and attempted to make it even better by mixing it with some more ingredients. Each idea failed and made it all taste worse, and the sandwich I did eat made me sick to my stomach.
Even writing this blog at the moment, I worry about recommending anyone try pimento cheese sandwiches, because they’re cruel and terrible.
Then again, I was eating the pimento cheese on processed bread (hint, hint, Gigi), and so maybe the bread was what turned my stomach instead.
So, I definitely don’t recommend store-bought pimento cheese. It’s revolting.
Plus, I’d rather make pimento cheese using something like monterey jack and swiss so that it would be extra tangy instead of whatever Mrs. Stratton uses.
Mrs. Stratton’s brand foods are full of disappointment. When we were kids, we ate the Mrs. Stratton’s pizza. There is no comparison between a Mrs. Stratton’s pizza and any other brand of frozen pizza, much less made-to-order pizzas at restaurants.
Despite that, at the moment, I’m incredibly hungry and am starving for a Mrs. Stratton’s brand frozen pizza.
I don’t know who taught her and her family to cook, but it certainly wasn’t anyone in the South, and she needs to move over and let someone who can do the heavy-duty cooking take over.
Back to the pimento cheese. Trying to make Mrs. Stratton’s pimento cheese taste good is like trying to convince a nation that’s already been bombed with nuclear arms that war might not be the answer.
Adding the tomato relish to it did not help.
Remember when I discussed how the lemon poppy-seed muffins duked it out in my mouth?
This was worse.
One bite in, and the the sandwich magically slipped out of my hand and fell into the garbage can. I figured I would indulge in some Buddhist non-attachment on this issue and allow the sandwich to do as it pleased instead of worrying about having wasted food.
Of course, I can hear my father’s voice now, “Son, you don’t need to waste that thar food, thar’s folk’s that’s starvin’.”
Yes, Bapaw, dear, there are folks who are starving, and those starving folks are lucky enough not to have the taste in their mouths that I did.
Considering what I had put in my mouth, I don’t know if a starving person could eat it and survive. So in reality, the starving person not eating that disgusting sandwich I made actually saved their lives, because otherwise they would have been unable to cope with the pure vileness on their tongue. So think of that, Bapaw- by trashing the sandwich, I saved someone’s life.
Thus, I’m a hero.
And I win.
Anyway, if you’ve never had a pimento cheese sandwich, I suggest you at least try it. However, you’ll do better to try other Southern comfort foods before this one.
Wait until I make my macaroni and cheese and present it on here. I love macaroni and cheese, and that’s a comfort food if ever there was one. Macaroni and cheese is like my favorite food, I think.
Also, my friend Drew’s amazing bread is going to be up soon, so stay tuned.