Monthly Archives: April 2011


Please don’t misread the word and mispronounce it like I did the first time. I kept seeing, “geflite fish” instead of “gefilte fish.” It’s pronounced something like guh-fil-tuh.

Luckily, Publix had it on sale this time, so I paid something like $4.50 for a whole jar of it!

Gefilte fish is a Jewish food. To a Southerner, the only good comparison I can give is saying that’s akin to a boiled salmon patty. I’m not sure if any other explanation would do.

But what I can say is that it’s absolutely delicious- especially if you add garlic and celery seed to it, along with some salt- that’s as per the instructions of my Jewish friend Shmueli.

I know that the gefilte fish doesn’t look nearly as pretty as it could- but it’s delicious, absolutely delicious. Definitely try it!



Posted by on April 30, 2011 in postaday2011, seafood


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Grits: A New Trick!

Somehow, last night possessed me to make grits. My father made some and messed them, and Bapaw’s sad bowl of grits inspired me to try a new trick I learned.

Instead of using water to make grits, one should try using milk.

Low and behold, the grits turned out to be magnificent!

I used instant grits for my recipe.

What you need:

  • two packages of plain instant grits or the equivalent amount of not-instant grits
  • 1 cup of milk
  • 1 teaspoon of butter
  • salt
  • pepper

Heat the milk to just below boiling; add the butter and allow it to melt. Add the grits and stir profusely, removing from heat.

Add salt and pepper to taste. In my case, I use a great deal of pepper; otherwise, these grits were too sweet for me.

Normally, I’ve made grits only using water. However, the milk does the trick and makes them fluffier, the way grits are supposed to be. Dry grits are not fun- trust me on that.

Also, remember that the grits will thicken as they cool!

They’re definitely a great Southern treat.



Posted by on April 29, 2011 in food, postaday2011


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The Carboholic Strikes AGAIN.

At work, I asked my father what he wanted for dinner.

Bapaw doesn’t really become picky about too terribly much.

We also don’t agree on too terribly much when it comes down to it.

We have agreed that we hated that show Whose Line Is it Anyway? that came on years ago. Maybe it still comes on, I don’t know.

So without Bapaw’s suggestions or hints, I made my way to the grocery store after work. I ran into some friends I haven’t seen in a while.

Then I proceeded to be hit with the inner carboholic.

I bought three packs of ramen, each pack containing six individual packs. That’s 18 packs of noodles total.

I bought 2 Totino’s Pizzas.

I bought 2 boxes of Pierogies.

Good. GRIEF.

But on the flip side, Bapaw did send me home with several vegetables-cucumbers, onions, and tomatoes. So my carbohydrates were just supplements, really, or so I like to tell myself.

Right now, I really want some zucchini. I plan to make a zucchini and mushroom dish sometime in the near future.

Lord, save me from my carboholism!



Posted by on April 28, 2011 in carbohydrates, postaday2011


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On Why I Will Never Again Eat Cup Ramen Unless I’m Starving, and Even Then I May Choose Death

Ramen’s one of those deliciously unhealthy foods that teenagers and 20-somethings love. Cheap, quick, and easy, this is the meal of choice for many college students. Some even become burnt out on it after eating it so often.

Ramen poses a few problems, though. First, one brick of ramen is actually TWO servings. Personally, I’m of the opinion that the companies should just list the health information for two servings as one serving to avoid this confusion and the possibility of having to use mathematics to figure out how many calories one is actually eating. Also, I think it’s kind of false advertising, and let’s be honest with ourselves and the world: who actually eats only half a brick of ramen? Seriously? Do you know anyone that breaks it up and eats only half? No? I didn’t think so.

Ramen also has multiple forms. There’s the brick ramen, of course, and then there’s…

…cup ramen.

Cup ramen has never been good to me. Ever. I initially ate it because it was a novelty and reminded me of Japan.

But seriously, it’s awful.

And tonight, the awfulness of cup ramen proved itself once more when I went to the kitchen, grabbed the cup ramen that’s sat in our pantry for over two years (if I had to estimate), and proceeded to try my fantastic Beaux magic on it.

However, the wily creators of cup ramen are vastly superior in their Dark Culinary Arts than I am in my own Culinary Arts, and thus, I lost this battle miserably.

How do I explain? I planned to boil the ramen in a sauce pan, so I made an Indian mixture that included curry and turmeric. The mixture turned out quite delicious, as a matter of fact.

Then the ramen laughed at me as I tried to remove it from its styrofoam cup.

So I went to the next best option- pouring the hot mixture into the cup and allowing it to sit for three minutes.

I succeeded in dying the ramen yellow thanks to the presence of the turmeric. What I did not succeed in doing was flavoring the noodles in any way. Despite the hot sauce, despite the MSG, despite the profuse amounts of curry and turmeric,


Three bites into the cup ramen, I cut my losses and threw the remainder of the noodles to the rest of Creation, my offering to the Divine Feminine and the Oneness of Life.

I made a simple mistake, the mistake that so many Americans make: I allowed my hunger, combined with me instant gratification complex, to guide me to the most immediately available food. I would say that this, not an unhealthy diet, is the reason for obesity in Americans. We settle for just whatever is quickest because we’re responding to the hunger instinct inside of ourselves. Unfortunately, the unhealthy foods seem to be most readily available.

Either way, this was my last tango with cup ramen. Though it ranks below “squash” on the Unholy List of Foods God Should Never Have Created, it has made the list none the less, which is a feat in itself.

So go eat regular ramen and ask me how to cook it- I know how to make that stuff taste fantastic.


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Posted by on April 27, 2011 in food


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Secrets of Gigi: Scrambled Eggs

Somehow, Gigi’s scrambled eggs always turn out better than mine. Many of my dishes actually surpass and are more complicated than the mood she makes; scrambled eggs are universally renowned and loved for being easy and quick to make, and in spite of that, I still can’t get the formula down exactly

My eggs almost always curdle too much; it appears that I over-cook them, thus leaving them in a state of not-quite-being fluffy.

Gigi’s eggs always turn out fluffy and well-proportioned and not overcooked- the way eggs should be.

Another thing I’m careful to do is to remove the eggs from the heat before they really finish cooking; the eggs will continue to set even after removed from the heat, so this is perfectly safe to do.

My scrambled eggs usually include spices in them, including salt, pepper, garlic powder, and parsley. Sometimes I prefer cheese in addition to the spices.

Were you aware that tomatoes go superbly with eggs? Try diced tomatoes to garnish your eggs or eating your eggs on top of a slice of tomato. Alternately, you can also add salsa to your eggs or even taco sauce. Ketchup, believe it or not, is a fantastic addition to the top of an omelet.

Maybe one day Gigi will share her secrets of making perfect scrambled eggs. Cooking, though not an exact science, does contain small tips and tricks of the trade. I intend to know as many of these tricks as possible.

Also, can I tell everyone how miserably I’ve failed at my “cooking challenge” involving Deborah Madison’s book Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone? She, unfortunately, suggests the use of those rare spices and ingredients that people living in Alabama may be unable to acquire, so I feel betrayed in some small way. That or my own fear of squash and tofu may be contributing to my inability to face the music.

Carpe Diem!



Posted by on April 26, 2011 in eggs, food


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The Great Freezer Battle: More Exaggerations with Beaux

For as long as I can remember, our freezer has been stuffed with frozen food, stuffed full to where you can’t put anything else in it unless you want to cause the entire freezer to spill out on you.

I have been the unlucky victim in more than one such case.

The problem is not that we have food in our freezer; in fact, having food stored in one’s freezer is quite wise, especially if you make an excess of something wonderful like spaghetti sauce. No, dear reader, the problem is that we never use any of the food in the freezer.

For over two decades, food has been relentlessly stored in the freezer, never to be seen or heard from again.

This is simply the reality I lived in.

The freezer became fuller and fuller and fuller.

Then one day, I bought some frozen food- mini-pizzas that I needed to put in the freezer.

To my dismay, there was no room.

Not only was there no room, the frozen food began taunting me. The main culprit leading the taunting was a bag of frozen squash.


If you weren’t aware, squash and I are mortal enemies.

Squash taunting you after being at work and coming home and just wanting to cook a nice frozen pizza to fill your stomach is not something you would enjoy, either.

So the fight began.

The vegetables leaped out of the freezer and chased me. I grabbed a spatula and a steak knife, speared several vegetables and flattened others and knocked a pork chop clear out the window when it decided to launch itself at me. A few peas shot at my face and tried to run up my nose, which was a mistake: I sneezed and blew them to smithereens.

The frozen tomatoes did get a good lick at me, and so being covered in their remains made me look like I was covered in blood. Tomato blood. Ketchup?

Then the squash came out, thinking that it would play Billy Bad Butt with me. I grabbed the entire bag and slammed it down on the floor, immobilizing it. Then I put my food in the freezer and pointed dauntingly at the squash.

“I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do with YOU!”

So ten minutes later, the squash had been pureed and made into soup.

I cleaned up the kitchen, and Gigi never knew about the apocalyptic battle, at least not until now.



Posted by on April 25, 2011 in food, humor


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Penne and Seven Cheese Sauce with Lobster: Beaux’s Spur-of-the-Moment Mealtime

Earle and I made our traditional trip to Publix on Friday night after taking a hiatus for some two weeks or so. The last dinner I made from Publix turned out to be delicious, and the one before that was slightly disastrous.

Last night, I did the absolute best I’ve ever done at Publix! Here’s what I bought:

  • 1 large organic sweet onion- $1.11
  • 1 container of Blue Cheese crumbles – $2.50
  • 1 bag of shredded Italian 6 cheese mix- $2.99
  • 1 pack of imitation Lobster meat- $2.99
  • 2 boxes of Penne (on sale!)- $1.39
  • Total: $11.97 (including tax)

We also bought a pint of milk, the exact amount needed to make the cheese sauce.

So, here’s what I did:

  1. I boiled 1 box of penne and added another 1/4 box to it. Unfortunately, I spilled that 1/4 of the box into the sink when draining it.
  2. I chopped the onion and sauteed it in butter until it began to caramelize, at which time I added the lobster meat. You can also use crab meat, and no matter what you use, I recommend using two packs instead of one.
  3. I removed the onion and lobster mix from the wok and then added 3 Tablespoons of butter and the pint of milk, heating it just below boiling, and then adding the blue cheese and the pack of Italian six cheese.
  4. After the sauce warmed and thickened with the melting cheese, I added the lobster and onions back to the mix, followed by the penne.
  5. The meal turned out to be pretty good after all was said and done, though it needed salt and pepper (but what doesn’t?)
  6. Also, I sprinkled bacon bits (the soy kind) on top of the mixture, too.

My apologies for the lack of pictures; for whatever reason, I just never got around to taking a picture of the food.

If you eat meat, this dish would be great with bacon in it; the bacon bits added a good flavor to it and tend to go with seafood.

Carpe Diem!



Posted by on April 24, 2011 in dinner, food, postaday, postaday2011, recipes, seafood


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