For as long as I can remember, our freezer has been stuffed with frozen food, stuffed full to where you can’t put anything else in it unless you want to cause the entire freezer to spill out on you.
I have been the unlucky victim in more than one such case.
The problem is not that we have food in our freezer; in fact, having food stored in one’s freezer is quite wise, especially if you make an excess of something wonderful like spaghetti sauce. No, dear reader, the problem is that we never use any of the food in the freezer.
For over two decades, food has been relentlessly stored in the freezer, never to be seen or heard from again.
This is simply the reality I lived in.
The freezer became fuller and fuller and fuller.
Then one day, I bought some frozen food- mini-pizzas that I needed to put in the freezer.
To my dismay, there was no room.
Not only was there no room, the frozen food began taunting me. The main culprit leading the taunting was a bag of frozen squash.
If you weren’t aware, squash and I are mortal enemies.
Squash taunting you after being at work and coming home and just wanting to cook a nice frozen pizza to fill your stomach is not something you would enjoy, either.
So the fight began.
The vegetables leaped out of the freezer and chased me. I grabbed a spatula and a steak knife, speared several vegetables and flattened others and knocked a pork chop clear out the window when it decided to launch itself at me. A few peas shot at my face and tried to run up my nose, which was a mistake: I sneezed and blew them to smithereens.
The frozen tomatoes did get a good lick at me, and so being covered in their remains made me look like I was covered in blood. Tomato blood. Ketchup?
Then the squash came out, thinking that it would play Billy Bad Butt with me. I grabbed the entire bag and slammed it down on the floor, immobilizing it. Then I put my food in the freezer and pointed dauntingly at the squash.
“I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do with YOU!”
So ten minutes later, the squash had been pureed and made into soup.
I cleaned up the kitchen, and Gigi never knew about the apocalyptic battle, at least not until now.